20
ways to confuse Santa
-
Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad,
and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
-
While he's in the house, go find his sleigh
and write him a speeding ticket.
-
Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone
away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
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While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer
with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get
them to fly.
-
Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you
think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees
that big, red Santa suit!
-
Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the
roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."
-
Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa
that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and
a loaf of bread on his way home.
-
Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes
down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.
-
While he's in the house, find the sleigh and
sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't
have missed that last payment, and take off.
-
Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass
of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another
plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty
glass with a note that says, "For Santa. :("
-
Take everything out of your house as if it's
just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman
and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."
-
Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with
last-minute changes and corrections.
-
While he's in the house, cover the top of the
chimney with barbed wire.
-
Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out
where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And
he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.
-
Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved.
Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
-
Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney.
Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry,
but from a distance, he looked like a bear.
-
Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning
bill.
-
Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes.
While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act
like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.
-
Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with
Easter eggs.
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Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa
to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both
of us."
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